Now it gets real.
Up to this point you have been learning about the two key concepts of the motor and the compass. You have also, hopefully, been observing and taking notes about someone else's behaviors.
So what do you do with all of this?
You have already read about it as I've mentioned in the previous two lessons: You adjust!
Adjust Your Interactions With Others
Observing people's behaviors and identifying the characteristics of their motor can help you engage with them in more meaningful ways. Let's say you had an important project at home to get done that you need help with from your partner. You have noticed that they are more outgoing/faster-paced and focused on people - that is you could see they tended to be more of an I-style person.
So, you would want to adjust your own style in the moment to be more energetic, enjoy their spontaneity, and focus on building the relationship without stressing out about the project that needs to get done. There will be time for working on that later and when you show regard for them as a person and bring some energy to better match their energy they will more naturally want to contribute more, help you with the project, and both of you will enjoy it a lot more.
Certainly if your partner showed signs of caution, methodical decision making, and quieter tones of voice you would realize they were simply providing evidence of their high C-style type personality. You could be sure to check your facts, ask deep questions, and discuss options about what they are doing in order to strengthen your relationship. Socializing and focusing on the relationship more might happen later, if it seems important.
Be Authentic
At first you might think that this just feels like manipulation. It might feel like you are supposed to be a chameleon, changing at every possible moment for every possible personality type you interact with.
That, of course, would be ridiculous!
Your purpose in all of this is to do what you can to make better connections with others and strengthen the relationship with them. You are making adjustments in your interactions with them to make this happen.
But, you do it with authenticity and a genuine desire and intent to care. You are tapping into those parts of your personality that have the characteristics, the attributes, and the capacity to match them a little bit more.
You don't change your personality permanently. You simply engage with them authentically and sincerely at a level that helps the two of you connect more effectively.
The Quiz
Hopefully you have taken some time to keep up with the assignment to observe and take notes about the behaviors and actions of someone close to you. Or, you have been thinking about someone you know and are familiar with their behavior. Hopefully you've been thinking about and writing down your answers to these questions:
- Were they faster paced?
- Did they talk loudly or more quietly?
- Did they use a lot of large hand gestures when they talked?
- Did they ask a lot of questions?
- Were they more interested in telling stories and socializing?
- Do they hesitate more in making decisions?
- Are they often showing concern for others?
For the quiz, I want you to share with me what you have been observing. That's it.